Why Me?
Weekly Reading Topic for October 19, 2019: Why Me?
Well, good morning, love!
I just opened a Reading for you, my newsletter subscribers and here’s what I heard in answer to the following:
What do my readers most need to hear this weekend? What is the most important message to send to my beloved readers?
The answer was: “Why Me?”
What follows is your Weekly Reading.
Weekly Reading │ Why Me?
Q: What does that mean, “Why Me?”
A: Ah, the eternal existential cri de couer: Why Me?
Our hearts wring this one out at least once a day, don’t they? And that’s on the best of days. Most days we think this at least three times, and on the worst of our days, it’s like a mantra. We repeat it silently, sometimes wholly subconsciously, counting off our passionate complaints and entreaties … to … whom?
It used to be that all of us knew who we were speaking to when we cried out in frustration, anger, or despair “why me?” We were always speaking to God. In previous centuries, the belief systems of religions held us up in a web of knowing who/what/when/where.
And in those times, when we cried out “Why me?” we also knew what the answer was.
“Because. Because of your station in life, or because you didn’t say your prayers, or didn’t tithe, or because that black cat crossed your path. Because, it is God’s will.”
We were still left with our devastation or despair. We also knew who to blame. And it wasn’t ourselves.
I’m not sure we’re any more wise about these matters now. We still cry out “why me?” even though most of us no longer consider ourselves members of established religions. We cry out “why me?” even though many of us are “spiritual not religious” or downright atheists.
And yet the answer, curiously, is often still some version of “because: God.”
Because there is a downturn in the economy.
Because you didn’t get the chances you should have.
Because you ate too much gluten.
There is some outside reason for our suffering. It’s still not our fault.
But don’t these still ring hollow to you? They do to me. Such a big question, such an existential query must have a better, more existential answer. Mustn’t it?
So. Let’s look at this a little closer.
When we cry “why me?” from the depths of our soul, we are almost always engaging in a really deep feeling of self-pity. And that’s actually a good thing! We don’t want to STAY in self-pity, because that is a very unbecoming look, and makes other people roll their eyes behind our backs.
But acknowledging our own discomfort or unhappiness is a critical first step to take on the path to Making Things Better for ourselves.
So don’t worry about the self-pity part. It’s just the first piece of the puzzle.
So let’s look again: why me?
Well, WHY me?
What if, when we are asking this question, it’s our Big Brain’s way of trying to communicate a message from our own subconscious mind, that there is something ME can do about this situation, and ME needs to figure out what that is?
Why me? Maybe it’s not because we deserve something bad, or have had bad luck.
Maybe it’s because We Can Do Something About This.
The greatest inventions and the most masterful works of creativity have all come about because of some sort of … discomfort.
Possibly the best example of this is the frankly hilarious story of Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel. He didn’t want to do it, not one little bit. He wanted to be a sculptor, was busy making a tomb, and didn’t love painting frescoes. He resisted and resisted until finally the Pope essentially locked him in the chapel and told him “I am paying you to paint that G-D ceiling, and you’re not coming out until you do.”
Well, Michelangelo did paint it, and did it very well, of course, because that’s what he alwasy did — his best. But he still resented having to be an art slave for the Pope. It took Four YEARS! No one could execute his work as well as he, so he had to do it all, by himself, lying on his back on these huge scaffolds he had to build. It was exhausting and irritating work.
As he planned and painted, he still had that nagging why me of self-pity. But being a genius, he decided to commemorate his own dissatisfaction in the art itself. Here’s how his “why me” went.
“Why me?” he had said, at first, demanding/asking the Pope to let him out of the job.
But the Pope’s answer was virtually inarguable: “Because you are Michelangelo, the best, and I want my ceiling painted by the best.”
And so Michelangelo channeled his Why Me? into a more curious version of the question.
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Instead of demanding to know why HE was being chosen for this unique punishment, he asked why indeed, why me? Why would God have chosen me for such a job? Why would he have given me this skill and this attention from the Pope? What does God want me to do with this unique opportunity?
Why me, instead of all the other artists painting for the Pope?
And the answer came to him: he had been chosen for this work so that the Pope could be overwhelmed by the glory of God, so that every time he looked up at his chapel ceiling he would be inspired to be the best Pope he could be, and be reminded of exactly what God thought of him.
And so Michelangelo painted an unbelievably detailed, extravagant fresco on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Something so beautiful and captivating that everyone would stare up at it for centuries to come.
And right over the altar, directly over the spot where the Pope would stand to lead services, he painted God creating the Sun and the Moon. It’s called “The Creation of the Sun and the Moon.” On the left side of the scene, God is scowling and pointing quite imperiously with the sun just behind him.
And on the right side of the scene, God has his back turned to the viewer (the Pope!).
But wait, where is the moon in the title?
Ah, there it is. On the left side of the scene, God has drawn up his beautiful flowing red robes to reveal … his moon.
This was the message Michelangelo was quite sure he had been chosen to deliver.
And so imagine, Pope Julius, leading services in the chapel, and having to look up, every time, at God, scowling and pointing at him and then turning to moon him with his lovely, round, white bottom.
The Creation of the Sun and the Moon indeed!
For the rest of his life, Julius looked up in his own personal chapel and knew exactly what Michealangelo thought God thought of him.
Epic, right?
It’s insights like this that are the actual reason for the existential “why me?”
We have the “why me?” thought to find out the answer for ourselves!
Doesn’t it make you almost WANT to have a Why Me thought, so you can see where it leads?
So this weekend, let’s ask Why Me in a really conscious way. Let’s Michelangelo our lives.
Why ME? Why have I received this task, or this stressor? Why am I the only one who seems to care about this, or that?
Why do I have to pick up the kids, or cook the meal, or grade the papers?
Why am I the one who is doing this thing, right now?
If you have to pity yourself at first, go right ahead. But as soon as you can, remember Michelangelo, and how he turned his Why Me into the Sistine Chapel. How he took that directive from God and figured out what the unstated reason/purpose might be.
Maybe you have to be stuck in traffic so that you will avoid the drunk driver at the intersection a mile away.
Maybe you have to miss your plane so you can have dinner with your lonely friend.
Maybe you have to answer that letter from the IRS so that someone else will get some relief.
Maybe the terrible illness is there to give you more time and incentive to finally take care of yourself the way you should.
Maybe your child is cranky so much because once you comfort her, you will realize you need the hug as much as she does.
Why Me?
Why, indeed, Me?
We don’t always get to Know the Real Reason (if there is one) for everything in our lives. But since we are Meaning Making Creatures, we get to decide for ourselves Why Me.
We’re all painting our own Sistine Chapels in one way or another. Climb the scaffold, pick up your paintbrush, grit your teeth, say a few choice curse words, and figure out your own Why Me.
Masterpieces are only possible when we feel honestly and express ourselves truly. And the only real difference between you and Michelangelo might be his willingness to follow his why me down the rabbit hole of emotion and into his most creative space.
Enjoy your weekend!
I am always here to serve in any way I can.
Much Love to You,
Molly
PS: Thank you for sharing this with anyone who could use it!
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